Yes, it’s been ages since I posted anything to these pages. I haven’t abandoned them, nor has something happened to me (although, as I’m writing this, my husband and I are powering our way through a bottle of DayQuil.) Frankly, I’m just really not quite ready to bound into another new year. Since I don’t have a time machine, however, I suppose I don’t have a choice!
Perhaps this unpreparedness stems from a lack of focus. It’s difficult to see January 1 as anything other than a starting line, a platform for setting goals, declaring resolutions, and sweeping away the crumbs of the past. This year, I just don’t know where to start. This is not because I have nothing left to do. Oh, hell no! It’s because I have too much to do!
When I first started this blog (almost 6 years ago!) I wasn’t working outside the home and was looking for ways to test and organize recipes, develop a writing habit, and get my somewhat shy self “out there.” Now, I work full time, including alternate weekends and holidays, as a cook at an extended healthcare facility (aka nursing home) where I and one other cook prepare two meals a day for about 120 people.
I get to cook all day, every day, which is great! I know that not all of us get to take an activity at which we excel and that we love and apply it in valuable service. I never have to ask myself if what I’m doing each day is the right thing. The job is physically demanding, however, (although not as much as the “Culinary Aide” positions that I had before I became the cook) and I only have two days off in a row every other week. The cooking I do at home is so much different, and I never get to bake at work, so doing the recipe work for The Messy Apron is still interesting and exciting. It’s just that I never seem to have enough time and energy to do everything I want to do here.
I was going to leave you with a carefully selected list of a few things I’d like to do in 2015 at The Messy Apron. I am a great maker of lists: shopping lists, To-Do lists, wish lists, and, of course, recipe lists. My lists tend to become overwhelming, self-aware monsters, however, mocking me with the absolute impossibility they represent, then devouring my self esteem.
And so, instead, as I was writing the last two paragraphs, I decided to leave you with one simple hope for myself and for The Messy Apron in 2015, a resolution, if you will: to be more realistic. It doesn’t matter how many things I want to do here. You’ll only see the ones I actually get to, and if I can be more realistic in my expectations of what those things may be, whether it’s recipes, social media connections, photography, or the appearance of the site, I can avoid being overwhelmed or disappointed, and the quality of these pages can continue to improve.
Wish me luck with that! Happy New Year!!